I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
