My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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