Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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