6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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