did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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