when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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