I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
