Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
