Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
