yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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