I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will be naked everywhere
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
