so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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