Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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