Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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