It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
