Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
