I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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