i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
