im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
