Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
