I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
