oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
