Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize