I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ok first of all what the fuck
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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