the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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