One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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