I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
