I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
did you just send me my own nude
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
