Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
