Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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