I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
