I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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