Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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