What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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