NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
