I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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