They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
