Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
