Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
