I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
