dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
