Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize
