If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
