if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
