It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
