I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
