I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.