I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.