i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.