Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing