She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
