so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.