the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.