take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
