I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Holy shit dude........stairs
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