Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
