4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
