They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
