Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
