Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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