i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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