i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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