I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
