Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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