If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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