Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
try to milk me bitch
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
