You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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