Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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