I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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