I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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