I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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