Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
