dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
