You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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