you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
