at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
