i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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