i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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