I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
